Kenji To OVA, Do You Read Me?
by xoxoparadox
Summary: A rather ticked-off Kenshin replica goes pay a visit to the creators of the blasted Seisohen.


**A/N: **I hate, hate, **HATE** the OVA with a passion. I have to admit, the drawings are gorgeous, but that doesn't suffice for the bad plot and melodrama from beginning to end. Ugh the fact that I saw it-and cannot forget the ENDING of all things-makes me wanna shoot my foot or something. D: Here's Kenji to shine some light on the matter. (**VERY** ridiculous and sarcastic, beware!)

**Disclaimer: **Neither Ruroken, nor the damn OVA (thank god,) belongs to me.

The businesspeople of OVA company (lol yeah, you heard me right) were having their daily meeting, discussing what masterpiece manga they should demean into a depressing soap opera, next. One of their workers were about to sputter out a title, when the door sporadically shot open. They all turn their heads to the interruption at hand, and before them, stood a odd, redheaded young man.

"B-Battousai?!" one of them squeaked out, much like how many of Kenshin's earlier, sniveling enemies did. _But how could he be ALIVE?! _they all thought, _WE KILLED HIM IN THE OVA!_

The Japanese men took notice that, the intruder north of them was missing one key attribute. The cross scar on his cheek. The company immediately paled; they made Kenji out to be a potential-Battousai in place of Kenshin, too…

Obviously, these men thought a lot of ludicrous things. One of them being that whatever they put in the OVA, was complete and absolute truth. It doesn't matter what Watsuki said-oh noooo-not at all.

Kenji smirked, and started to walk up to the men, much to their dismay. He was resting his sword over the shoulder, however it was not unsheathed so the audience could not tell if it was a reverse blade or not. Businessmen do not favor surprises.

"Hell-o, boys," he started casually, "Whatcha doin there?" He may have had Kenshin's face and hair, but his attitude at the moment was something of a mixture between Sano and Yahiko, with Sano being dominant…

The men had already begun to shake in their expensive little booties, crowding closer to one another by scooting their rolling chairs around. The amusing sight made Kenji utter a small chuckle. "Ah, come on, don't be like that. I'm only here to…talk. Really." He mimicked the same smile Saitou had when he was in his medical herb seller guise. In fact, Kenji had made a pit stop earlier to ask Saitou about how to deal with the lowest of low…_criminals_.

Kenji coughed to clear his throat, and then sat down in a appropriate, samurai-esque matter. "Alright well, let's get down to it. I am here on the behalf of Watsuki, the author of this fan fiction (XD), and everyone in the Ruroruni Kenshin manga. _Especially_ my father." his expression got a little cold, but nonetheless Kenji tried his hardest to remain calm…seemingly. He didn't want the men to jump out of the building, or commit seppuku with his blade, just yet.

"Let me start off with the…smaller mistakes you guys made." His eye twitched slightly. Kenji was not as patient as daddy, that's for sure. "First - why are my mother's eyes _brown_?" he shot an accusing, stink-eye look at them that made the men recoil. "The last time I checked, they were blue. Or at least some shade of it. Meaning, it was anything but _brown_." Kenji pointed at his own pupils to emphasize his point.

"Next. Why, oh _why_, did you have my father grow out his hair again?" his facial features stretched and manipulated to create over-the-top expressions of despair, poking 'innocent' fun at the constant melodrama presented in the OVA. "My father did not go through twenty-eight volumes worth of crucial character development-and I _mean_ crucial-just to have you guys put him back at square one all over again!" To him, having Kenshin's hair grow was inversely proportional - it was taking more steps back, the longer his hair. He must've cut it for one reason or another! The reason 'why', he'd have to ask Watsuki later…

Kenji sighed, and began rubbing his temples. Now it was time to get to the more serious offences. "I doubt that my father would go off wandering, AGAIN, when he has a commitment. A _true_ commitment. A family! Why did you change him so? Kenshin Himura would have not left those most important to him to question something that has already been answered! And if he would for some bizarre reason, WANT to leave, then it wouldn't be for fifth-teen god damned years." At that comment, his anger subsided into sadness.

"I could understand _why my character_," the words spat out like venom to him, and he made a face, "would be so upset over that, but gosh, you guys. Fans either hate me, pity me, or they're intrigued by me!" Neither one of those receptions sat well with him. He was sooo over his 'I-hate-daddy' toddler stage. So over it. Why did they have to rub it in his face, and remind of how much of a potential ass he _could_ have been? Not was, _could_. Now that he thought about it, they soiled the whole Himura name! Kenji began to grip the hilt of his sword.

"My mother, on the other hand, would have not grown up to be such a mary-sue!" He hoped Mommy didn't somehow hear that. He _was_ trying to defend her, here. "When my father left to fight Shishio, you know damn well she eventually followed him! My mother would follow my father to the ends of the Earth-whether he wanted her to or not-because that's _who_ she is. Kaoru Himura is a strong woman, and she would've reassured my father at that stupid mid-life crisis point of his, or she would have beat him silly until he settled, OR she would have eventually went to find him. Not just mope all over the damn dojo like a goldfish with barely enough water!"

"And, oh, oh, oh!" Kenji continued excitedly, having just remembered something that would surely help stress his point. "What the _fuck_ is up with the Enishi event? Now I'm sure you guys actually read the manga, but why the hell did you move that event out of its original time line? Where the hell was everyone else, where was my mommy's doll copy, and-" he took a deep inhale.

"SINCE WHEN WOULD MY FATHER LET ANYONE BEAT HIS FACE INTO THE DIRT JUST TO SAVE SOMEONE? VAGABOND OR NOT, HE STILL HAS PRIDE!" Hoboy. Kenji swore he felt a vein popping somewhere on his forehead. "MY FATHER DIDN'T BACK DOWN WITH JIN-E WHEN HE THREATENED TO HURT MY MOTHER, WHY ON EARTH WOULD HE WITH ENISHI? HE SHOWED THAT MOTHERFOOKER WHAT WAS UP!" Sigh. Everyone knew it wasn't good for Kenji to be exposed to worldly Sano whenever he temporarily came back from traveling. The damn rooster taught Kenji all the American-sailor slang he knew.

Suddenly, a flustered blush crept up on Kenji's face, arousing curiosity amongst the audience. "Also….MY FATHER WOULD HAVE MOST DEFINITELY NOT HAVE DONE IT WITH MY MOTHER IN ORDER TO MAKE HER DEADLY SICK, YOU PERVERTS!" The whole idea of it made him nauseous. Kenshin, no matter how sad he himself was, would have not want anyone around him to suffer. It'd be likely of Kaoru to try and insist, but Kenshin would have denied her unquestionably. The men stared at him with horror.

"Yeah, that's right! I forced myself to watch _every bit _of your _agonizing_, poor-excuse-of-a-conclusion OVA!" Kenji Himura began sniffling, and the men titled their head and cooed 'awwww' at him.

"Did we hurt your feelings, Kenji-chan?" asked a individual.

"No fool!" Kenji replied swiftly in a harsh, Hiko-sensei-like tone. "I am not crying out of sadness; I am so pissed off you made me reduce to tears because of my frustration of not having killed you all yet!"

The men gasped and cowered. He wasn't being _entirely_ serious about the killing thing, but these guys were a bunch of weenies. "You destroyed my family name. The _only_ thing you got right was Yahiko and Sano's character." For the most part. Kenji grimaced. Why did _they_ get to be in character? Stupid side characters. Err- he meant, wonderful, loving…side characters. Again, Kenji wasn't sure if the whole kenshingumi were out back listening to all of this or not.

"I much preferred the anime series." he added with a bitter mutter. "Even if it wasn't complete. At least _that_ had a happy, true-to-the-manga ending. You can only sum up the OVA in three single words: Piece of s-….I was about to say sushi, I swear. _Rotten_ sushi."

Kenji sat up, the sudden movement triggered mildly loud yells from the men. "So," he paused, "in conclusion, I'm going to ask of you one itsy-bitty favor." he made the 'small amount' gesture with his fingers, his face squinting along with it. "I ask that you all redo the OVA, and this time, _**follow **_Watsuki's last volume, will you?"

"And…and if we don't?" one of them had the audacity to speak up.

Kenji merely gave him a Saitou smirk, and drew out his sword. Needless to say, it wasn't all that harmless, nor reversed blade. "Let's just say…I'm not exactly the same as my father."

The men fainted.

**OWARI.**


End file.
